September 2nd. 2:50pm
6lbs 13 ounces. 21 and 1/4 inches long.
I cannot believe my own strength.
I was terrified, the entire time especially when I realized the pain I was feeling would do nothing but get worse and closer, and harder. In the beginning I woke immediately to the reality, stretched out before me full of anticipation. Was I really about to do this? Could I stop it? How long could I endure?
Colt had to hold me under my shoulders while I stood for hours, counting me through every contraction. My midwife had to tell me I could do it over and over again because honestly, I didn’t think I could. At one point I realized my head thoughts were useless, my body was doing its thing without me and i saw my contractions as waves and me on a literal surf board (short board to be exact, body height proportion perfect) riding them up to a peak and over. In those waters were every nightmare rushing me up to that peak and pushing me to ride down the other side.
By the time Lane was being born- I didn’t know what I was doing atall or what anyone was saying, I knew only where I felt pain and where I felt pressure, when there was relief in the form of pleasure, when it was over. In those last moments I saw earth and gravity and the pull of the world down below, deep down in the core, splitting me open and pulling my child to it.
I had to get out of the way, all along. This was the universe’s thing. I belonged to it and it was more obvious than ever.
I cannot believe he is in my arms. He smells like a baby! Before when I imagined him, it was wild with red hair and green eyes and colts olive skin, but he is fair and bright and REAL and he will still probably be wild!
I am a beaming mother with a charge.
My man is my reign supreme.