Sickness and the family bed

There are no pictures for this post because we, as a family, have been so sick.  I texted my mom and said, "I'm scared" because I thought I was seriously going to die of dehydration when the whole world was spinning and I couldn't even lift the bucket in my hands.  And on top of both of the parents in this household feeling THAT bad, we had a baby throwing up for the first time in his entire life.

We used to be hard core co-sleepers.  That is, until Lane started to move and almost broke my nose in the middle of the night with an epic head butt and also when I started to resent the process because he wouldn't sleep without me, even at 9pm.  But ten months go by with a Ferberized sleep-wonder and the bed feels a little cold and a little sad and my arms just want to hold my sleeping son again for one night.  I just want to cuddle with him, but he's a wiggle worm and thinks I'm tickling him if I so much as give him a hug.

During this stomach virus though, Lane woke up covered in his dinner and terrified and trying so hard to talk to us with words he didn't quite know how to say - with this clear, earnest tone I've never heard any toddler use - and we cleaned him up and brought him to bed where he lay completely still between us - the quiet sucking of his pacifier - the smell of dinner still on him.  To anyone who isn't a mother - to anyone who isn't me, that probably sounds gross and it sort of was, but it was also so sweet.   I got to hold him in my arms again for a whole night, all of us going through it together, kiss his head in my sleep, feel his little legs kicking the crap out of my side.  I didn't sleep at all, but I loved it.

We are on the upswing.  Lane recovered faster than anyone, shaking the virus in one night, but a week later Colt is still sick and I can barely eat.  So pardon the radio silence as we survive this.  UGH.


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