"Oh, luck luck will drive your butt batty. Next time you get some wheels, make it a Caddy."

So, I bought a bigger car and now owe way more money to "the man", but it's a bigger car!  And it's a 2014 car....do you guys know what kind of cars they're making now?  You can talk to them and they talk back.  You can play a track from your phone through your radio and when you turn off the car, it all stops and when you get back in, it all starts up again on it's own, like the old days with CDs!  You can be like, "Hey car, find me the closest starbucks" and it says, "turn right here." with a color coded map to show you where traffic might be.  These are crazy future cars and they're still just on the brink of true future cars.

Last week I was waking up every night at 3:30am in panic and I'd lie there in bed remembering every detail of what happened.  I told myself I didn't have to go back to sleep if I couldn't, and I could stay awake and think about it as long as I wanted.  I played the accident over and over, how the car smelled like smoke and I thought it was on fire, how one of the recalls on my Yaris was that the seat belt stops had been known to burst into flames in a head-on collision and I thought "That's dumb.  I'll never be in that kind of accident." and never got them replaced.

Strangely enough, the day I bought my new car was so exhausting and draining and difficult that I slept all the way through the night and haven't had a problem since.  (well - it's only been a day...)

I was holding out for when my fear turned to gratitude.  Each night when I woke, I was disappointed that I was still afraid.  I wanted to trade the thoughts of the direct impact for thoughts of how we survived and how lucky we were.

Well it's been a week and I've had dance rehearsal and my body is still moving (albeit sore), and I've driven on the road, and even driven along the site of the accident and I've poked and prodded my fear every 3:30am and let it seep in - and it is finally seeping out.  I am finally moving past it and seeing just how lucky we really are.

The rest of my family hasn't had the slightest issue, and for that I'm even more grateful.  They've let me fall apart in tiny ways and turn crazy and sleep deprived and they've just given me hugs and done bath yoga when I'm having mini meltdowns:

"Reach for the sky"

I want to publicly thank my amazing step-father who negotiated car prices like a beast and got me the best deal ever. 


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