You have to do something for your soul, right?  People say this like they know it, but then they don't do it and they get in ruts and lose their footing and get angry.  I do anyway.  I get angry when I'm not feeding that something else inside me.  And because I have a child and a man and a thousand things on a to-do list, this act equates with selfishness in my head (how can I ask him to watch Lane MORE than he already does?  how can I ask Lane to go to bed five nights in a row without me?  how can I spend so much money on myself?)  but it's not selfish - it's necessary.  People can't be in two places at once and they can't function with burnt-out souls.  Your body and your mind - you have to keep that stuff healthy.

Work is work is work.  I talk about it occasionally here, but I stay away from in-depth description's boring.  But also because it's consuming.  I work from home, which is ideal for a ton of reasons, but also makes leaving work at work that much harder, because work is my living room and kitchen and bedroom and backyard.  I get work e-mails at all hours, and respond to some at 10pm and handle urgent issues at 7am before I've even had coffee, and then I sit in the home office for the prescribed 8 hours, stand up at 5pm and bitch about the day until Colt finally tells me to stop.  I cook dinner, take care of Lane, clean up messes I've ignored all day and my mind is still stewing with work.  Some nights I go to bed without once thinking about myself and my shoulders inch up to my ears and I'm just angry.

So I decided this week, while Plexus Dance is on hold as Juliana is in Israel dancing with Ohad, that I'd do something for my soul.  And I signed up for aerial silks every night of the week with Carolina Aerial Dance Exchange even though I haven't touched silk in three full years.  And now, going into my last day of class - I feel it.  I feel it in my abs and arms and back and I feel it when I try to go to sleep at night.

I stumbled into the coffee shop this morning and started spouting off excuses for why I was walking like I'd just been in a bar fight to the barista who "so didn't care".  I also feel it in my breath.  It's deeper.  All the times I've written about movement here (and here), about how it helps me when I move my body to move my energy, how it's therapeutic and cures my serious anxiety issues, but this is also about just doing something for no one but yourself.

I'm not thinking about anyone else when I'm preparing for a drop in silk.  I couldn't even if I wanted to - because your mind doesn't work the same up in the air, in fact it completely disappears.  Then all the chatter disappears too and it's just your breath, loud in your ears, drowning out everything else.


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