Where am I

Where am I?

I am back at work.

This last week has seen me working at a job I know I'll be losing soon, and working hard.  I close my office doors and plug in my headset and try to remember my posture as I pour over code.  The door cracks open and Colt brings in a fussy Margo and I feed her, half present, while typing one handed over top of her.  Then she goes.  Then he goes.  The door cracks open and Colt slips in breakfast, or lunch, I don't know which, and a bottle of water.  'You should drink' he mouths to me.  Then he goes and I take a sip, half present.  That's where I am.

I am surviving my "marriage" (??)

Colt and I aren't married.  We have two kids and we've made whispered bedroom promises to each other and called them commitments.  This shit year called 2016 has tested what we mean to each other and the word "marriage" has become this bitter flavor I want to spit out as quickly as I taste it every time I say it...and even when I write it.  At the end of months of fighting and broken hearts, with a gorgeous baby girl in his arms he said, "I want to have a commitment ceremony" and I said, "ha." That's where I am.

I am bombarded by new media.

I've been reading Strangers in Paradise, my first graphic novel EVER.  I've flown through 4 of the 6 books in about two weeks and can't recommend it highly enough - especially for those of you who are hardcore novel readers, like myself.  I've been listening to one of the 15 podcasts I recently subscribed to.  I've been catching up on my serial-watching of sitcoms on netflix.  I've been reading the thousands of articles that have come out since the election on how I can/should work towards a better America.  I am often doing all of those things at once: a book in my lap, headphones in my ears, the tv temporarily paused, scrolling through articles on my phone. That's where I am.

I am inspired.

See above.  I suddenly want to write a graphic novel.  I suddenly want to make a podcast.  I don't want to be on netflix, but I do want to work towards a better America.  I want to consume everything I'm reading and meditate on it for hours and figure out how I can personally grow.  I am so inspired.  I am ready to create and build and grow.  I am so freaking inspired that I'm paralyzed.

That's where I am.


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