One and Done.

I had a dream last night that I was carrying three different unborn children in my stomach, all with different due dates.  One was a set of twins due at different times in the month.  The doctor in my dream told me this was normal.  I could put my hand on my stomach and feel all of their heartbeats and it felt like drums.

I woke up and told Colt about it and we both had huge, wide, serious eyes.  We were thinking the same thing - no more babies...EVER.  I love Lane, he is our biological miracle, but one is plenty, thank you.

Some people warn me about this feeling, telling me I will want another baby when he's three or four.  Those same people have been right about a ton of things so far, but I don't think they're right about this.  We are set, finis, done.

My birth wasn't scarring - it was beautiful.  But my pregnancy was hard.  I was nervous, that something would go wrong.  I didn't have a single care-free day.  I thought I would miscarry, I thought he would have a birth defect, I thought I might lose him in the womb.  These are real things that happen to normal healthy young women all of the time for very little known reason.  During those nine months I thought to the universe: let me have this one healthy child and I will never ask for another.  Let me have this one healthy birth, this one healthy son, and I won't ask you to do it twice.

In Trader Joes a few weeks ago, Lane was throwing a fit about something and this older russian woman was in front of me.  She asked me, "Is he your only child?" and I said, "Oh yes.  One and done."  She said, "Smart girl".  I felt so validated.  Most people don't behave that way when I express this.  They seem sad for me, but you get me Russian woman - don't you?

I would love to help a child in need some day if circumstance permits.  I would love to give Lane a sibling by way of adoption or even foster care.  This has always been a goal of mine in the far far future.  But biologically, I have reproduced and my soul is settled with him being our one genetic combination.

He is going to be the president of the united states or a famous marine biologist who discovers a colony of giant squid - and with dreams like this, it's probably best if he's our only one.

He got an official pair of shoes on Saturday and since then, he's been a walking machine.  Crawling is so last month, ya'll.  With the onset of full-on two-footed toddling, he's noticed the cats.  I guess with all that time on their level they just seemed like blobs of fur, but now that he's taller they look like mechanical stuffed animals.


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