I am obviously not consolidated and for some reason lately it's driving me insane.
I record everything.
I have 40+ notebooks completely full of written records of my life.
In an effort to consolidate, I scanned every single page onto my computer a few years ago.
Then in a single afternoon, I put every single page into a video, showing each image for a mere second, only to have an hour long video of writing scrolling so fast no one can actually read it (I won't subject you to this).
I then paid $50 or so to consolidate all of my writing from my livejournal blog (years '02-'10) into three volumes of 300 page hardback books.
And in 2011, the year that started two months after losing my dad wherein I met Colt, drove across the country, moved to Oregon, and in the final months created Lane (although we wouldn't know until January of 2012) I wrote a poem a day.
In the new year I want to give these sometimes awful, sometimes vague, sometimes good poems a facelift. Colt's agreed to draw an image to go with them every day. I plan to post them online next year and ultimately consolidate them into a book. (I'm also going to be writing a poem a day again in 2014).
But where do I put all of these ideas?
I loved this old blog but I had privacy issues that will certainly resurface if I write there for a whole year. They are issues I can deal with and would not compromise my safety, but definitely my sanity. Do I want to do that?
I love this rookie blog but it's usually exclusively about Lane and I don't know how my poetry would go over mixed in with posts about sunny day outings and Lane pulling on the Christmas tree.
I have old personas, and never been used personas, and I could do what got me into this mess and start all over, but audience building is no fun. This morning I thought about consolidating it all somehow, posting in every place simultaneously, but it would take an unnecessary amount of time to post on every platform every single day.
Why is finding the perfect blogging platform so difficult? And the real question is, why do I feel like my self is so divided? Can't I be specific and vague, a mother and a poet, all together in one place?
These are questions I'm mulling over for the last two days of 2013. I won't leave you, audience, stranded no matter what. I promise.