-war-what is it good for-

We are on week two of Lane's sickness.

I mistrust the SHIT out of modern medicine.

I chose a birth center and a midwife so that I could give my baby the least intrusive, most natural, best start in the world possible with no intervention or medication.

I breast feed exclusively to try and keep chemicals/un-natural substances/whatever OUT of his system.  We don't even use BOTTLES for goodness sake, and my diet went super healthy to keep his tummy happy.

I found the most relaxed pediatrician in the area in hopes that he'd keep vaccines at bay just for a little while so that Lane could really and truly develop at his own natural normal pace before the world starts affecting him.

I really did everything I knew how to do to allow the purity and brand new of him last and last and last as long as I could.

And here we are: at only five months after ALL of that pain and those painstaking measures and research and daily sacrifices-on the second week of his stupid awful sickness that has me in panic and tears nightly, having not only used the natural methods of cool mist humidifier, saline drops, the gross and also awesome "nose frida", hot bathroom steam, but also Benadryl, Tylenol AND are on our second day of a seven day run of pink liquidy Amoxycillin.  I just don't trust any of it.

But his cough is gutteral and down in his tiny little chest and mucousy, his tiny little nose is stuffy and he sometimes can't breathe enough to eat-and I'm at the mercy of my own ignorance having to put my faith in people with a hundred sick children experience and degrees and little cheat books with dosage notes based on weight.

And I am just, so sad.
I am sad to see that the world is going to happen to my son no matter what I do.


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