"Sometimes it takes pain to show us why we hurt"

Deserina, do you remember writing that?  Back when we thought we understood how heartache actually felt?  We didn't know about the worst loss.  We didn't know how fragile everything is, how careful we must be with each other.

Along with all of the good in my life (this absolutely amazing place to live, my absolutely beautiful son, my Colt) there is also some tragedy.  Everyone is alive, but they are scarred.  Everyone.

I am Atlas. I have it all in balance.  The oceans rise, the volcanoes erupt and people kill each other or love each other every day, but I keep steady.  I drive the family to and from Shelby twice a day, I answer a conference call and at the same time help the stranger in my driveway break into his car to get his keys, I smile politely at the Lowes delivery guys while frantically searching for the hospital ER number on my phone.

I nurture, I over-nurture.  I don't look at myself in the mirror.

What does it mean to love without expectation?
I read The Giving Tree, I thought I understood it then. That is my ultimate goal - to selflessly follow the path the world puts at my feet.  Today, every day, to receive what is in front of me.


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