PNH - the inspection
We all woke up early this morning for our home inspection. I wanted to know every darn thing wrong with our PNH and now I'm regretting it, not because there are tons of things wrong, but because there are a few pretty big things wrong.
As a first time homebuyer, I am learning a lot through this process, but the biggest thing I'm learning is that you should never label yourself as a "first time home buyer".
Even if I wanted to approach life as honestly as possible (telling people what I can actually afford, negotiating in my own head what fixes I should ask for so that I'm considerate) other people will most always try to get as much as they can out of you. "Other people" have learned to play this game before, and it's not an honest one. So do you give up your values? Or do you risk being on the losing end because you are trying to play by them?
Part of being a grown up must be learning to be dispassionate...
I give my success at my job to the fact that I didn't (for a long time) care if I kept it, so I could say things like, "If this doesn't happen, I'm going to move on" and mean it. For this house, I feel like I could be such a successful haggler if my heart wasn't in it. I could say things like, "replace the roof or I'm going to move on", but I'm proud of our find and proud of it's condition and location and it feels like the RIGHT first house and I'm passionate about it. Naturally, with this comes the fear of losing it, and with this comes losing all of the power.
This is what the yogi's mean by detachment. Don't grab at things and try to hold them, but let them flow so you can truly experience all aspects of the things and the process. Often times during yoga teacher training, I felt like what I was learning was in direct conflict with being an artist, but the idea of detachment is applied emotionally too so you don't cling to happiness or sadness and instead allow it to flow through you - in turn enhancing your receptivity to all emotion.
I'm not sure any of the problems will cause me to walk away from our house, I'm just hoping that my sellers have more heart than they did when negotiating my contract (i.e. none). I approached my list of fixes as honestly as my offer, playing by my values for better or for worse.