Biting off what you can chew
Out of the blue in one weeks time, Lane has become an eater.
With this, I remember that any tough stress can change in the blink of an eye and is.not.worth any mental effort. I can see it with him because he's young and change happens fast, but it's true about everything. Mental stress is not helpful, and it's not healthy so it's worth getting rid of - especially since fluctuation is part of life, and without any force on an individual level, the world will change on it's own.
Yesterday alone, Lane ate his first peach (an entire peach) his first banana (an entire banana) his first watermelon (an entire slice of watermelon) and five roasted carrots. Then he slept for five hours straight. It took him until 9 months to be interested in putting anything other than plastic in his mouth, but it DID happen, just like the google moms said it would, without any goading or pressing or forcing or spoon feeding on my part.
I have a knot in my shoulder. I flicked through my phone and saw these great pictures of the baby, the dog, Colt, my sick kitty cat and none of my own changed face and body. I haven't given myself a lot of love lately. The storm last week knocked out a gutter on the house. A thousand excuses to look in other directions but it's always been the truth that you have to be right inside to do right outside. It must become a priority to work out your knots. And yet, it's harder than I ever thought it would be to spend the time necessary to get right with myself. Having and raising a baby isn't as hard as people warned me it would be, it's continuing to nurture my own soul that's hard. Especially when the day ends and Lane is quiet in bed and Colt is reading and all I want to do is numb out to bad internet shows for as many hours as possible, all the way down into dream, not even giving myself a moment of silence.
I watch Lane gobble up food and think, even my own habits aren't worth stressing over. Time will give me everything I need. That mentality is already a big change.