July is dying

The week goes on and on.  Summer seeps in through the windows, the fans run in every room.  I have to make an effort to go outside every day.  We walk in the park, walk every green way, sweaty and bug-eaten and battling summer colds - the worst.  Our backyard is so mosquito-infested that we can't even walk outside to look at our ripening tomatoes.  I love the summer, but I welcome the end of July.

crate chariot

 

Lane is back to sleeping soundly, if not better than before.  Every time he loses footing my mind says, "sleep train, sleep train" and just when I'm about to pull out my hair and reach for Ferber, he's down 7 hours in his crib and sleeping in until 9am.  The glitches are very difficult, seemingly more-so as he learns how to tantrum, but once it's over it feels good to know we didn't resort to a cry-it-out method.  We were there for him, even when it was hard.

at first I was intimidated - but I cooked the crap out of this zuccinni...

 

Last night I took him out of the bath and was in the process of wrapping him in a towel when he pulled down my shirt and started to breastfeed.  I had an awakening.  I always said I'd feed him for six months, but when that time came he was still so small and so attached to me and wasn't eating real food, so I said a year.  "Never longer...never..."  I knew around a year, I'd start to wean him.  I didn't think extended breastfeeding was negative or care about that Time cover at all (to each his own), but couldn't see myself with a two year old son still breastfeeding.

But last night after the bath, I couldn't get him to stop eating for anything, to put on a diaper or clothes, and he nestled against my skin and looked so comfortable, so I sat there and let him eat and I realized I'm not going to force a stop to this.  I don't want to make Lane give up something if he's not emotionally ready to do it just because I feel pressured from a culture that judges extended breastfeeding and regards mothers who are open about it with disgust.  That's the culture's problem, not mine.  Not Lane's. 

As I started to research, as I always do, I found a slew of information on the "supposed" benefits of breastfeeding, both for and against long-term feeding, and truthfully I don't care.  I don't care about what people assume or what they choose to do.  Formula feed if it works for you.  Breastfeed if it works for you.  Give oatmeal, give purees, spoonfeed, baby-led wean, whatever.  What works for us is allowing Lane to continue this for longer than I once assumed we would.  Our experience is as it is. 




Summer, golden summer.  I want the water, salt and sand.  I want hot sun, beach television, ripe peaches and boiled peanuts.  August I'll see you soon.