First shots

We took Lane to see the most vaccine-lax pediatrician in the area last week and he still talked us in to giving him his first vaccine because of winter and because he'd seen something like six babies die of preventable disease.  We knew we would be fully vaccinating him, but when was always the question.

Before hand, we got his height and weight for the first time ever.  He's only in the 14% percentile for weight and head circumference, but 78% for length.  Could I seriously have a tall son?  Me, at 5'2"??

I am so proud of how he's grown, how he smiled socially at the pediatrician and even whined a little at his loud, exaggerated voice.  He snuggled up to Colt during his ear inspection and was just awesome.

elephante verde got a check up too

Our boy did so well during his shot, too.

He cried during the needle prick but was calm for hours after and was even chill when we went to the store to stock up on baby Tylenol just in case.  He took a sweet nap on the way home-

but six hours after he was screaming his head off and we couldn't put him down for a second without the stop-breathing cry.  He never caught a fever, but his leg got all red and that serious cry broke my heart and I felt this raging guilt until Colt finally got him down to sleep.

first band-aid

The practice is to be calm and calm and calm, especially when Lane has these kinds of breakdowns.  If we can be calm, it will allow him to feel secure enough to fully express himself, he won't be afraid even if he's hurting.  Colt reminded me of Christine (my midwife) when I was in labor.  Her confidence that everything was fine allowed me to feel comfortable expressing my pain while still feeling safe.  I knew if something was truly wrong she would handle it.

That night last week I thought about how we are going to have to do this a thousand times, when he gets other vaccines, when he has stomach viruses or bad colds or skins his knee, all the times he gets sick or hurt--it's our job now to take care of him.  I've never wanted anything to be happy and smiley so much, but that's all I want for this kid, ever, for the whole time he's alive.

And vaccines, man.  I am terrified of them and they make me sick.  They've done a real justice to humanity and all that jazz, (i feel like i have to say that) but in my own personal life, I hate them and dread them and will never feel confident shooting strands of disease into my baby.  I waited, those whole six hours, anxious and worried and feeling nauseous over the possibilities of serious side effects. Odds are everything will be fine, but those are just odds.

I want to protect him, so we will keep shooting him with partially dead age-old illness, but I don't think I will ever be okay for the few days after- no matter what kind of calmness I will do my best to project.