I caught him

what's going on here...

I've been feeling a little bit lot-a bit stuck lately.

Part of it has to do with the working from home thing and the studio apartment thing, like usual, but part of it has to do with whatever Lane is going through these past two weeks.

Who knows what it is, a wonder week or possible teething or coming off the 4 month sleep regression, but he is all momma and nothing else will do.  Sometimes he cries out in his crib at night and Colt can't calm him and he's so upset he doesn't breathe and I go in and put my hand above his eyebrows and he's suddenly silent, like he was just waiting for the scent of my hand.  Sometimes it takes me going to bed with him at 9pm, grumpy and angry that my evening is cut so abruptly short.

I had it really good that 3rd month when he was going down at 8 and not waking up till 7, but those four glorious weeks came to an end and now I'm again sleep deprived and frustrated and feeling very stuck.

It doesn't help that characteristically I choose a thousand stressful things at once.  It used to be three jobs in a 9 hour period late at night, one of them including the muscular climb of aerial dance in a club with no safety.  Now it's buying a house, planning a wedding and prepping for Colt's comic book convention all by the first of June, all in Lane's first year.

In the evenings I remember if I weren't doing everything, I would be trying to tackle a novel or something.  It's just how I'm wired.